Anxiety and avoidance · About 20 minutes to plan
Fear ladder
When something makes us anxious, avoiding it brings quick relief, but over time the fear can grow and life can start to feel smaller. A fear ladder helps you face it gradually, one manageable step at a time, so you can learn that you can cope.
When it can help
- When anxiety is stopping you doing things you want or need to do
- When you've started avoiding places, people or situations
- When a fear has slowly been taking up more of your life
- When you'd like to build confidence a little at a time
How to build your ladder
Set aside around 20 minutes somewhere quiet. You can use the printable worksheet, or a notebook.
1: Choose one fear
Pick one thing you've been avoiding, and decide what you'd like to be able to do. Make it specific, like "do the weekly shop on my own" rather than "stop being anxious". This is the top of your ladder.
2: List smaller steps
Write down situations linked to that fear, from slightly uncomfortable to very hard. Change one thing at a time: how long, how busy, how close, or whether someone is with you. Aim for 8 to 10.
3: Rate each step
How anxious would each step make you, from 0 (completely calm) to 10 (the most anxious you can imagine)? Your first guess is fine.
4: Put them in order
Arrange the steps from lowest to highest, like the rungs of a ladder. If there's a big jump between two, add a step in between.
5: Start near the bottom
Choose a step that feels uncomfortable but manageable, often around 3 or 4. Stay with it until you notice you're coping, rather than leaving as soon as the anxiety rises.
6: Repeat, then climb
Practise the same step several times, ideally close together, until it feels noticeably easier. Then move up to the next rung.
An example ladder
Here's how a ladder might look for someone who has been avoiding busy shops. Yours will look different, and that's how it should be.
- GoalDo the full weekly shop on a Saturday, on my own
- Do the full shop at a busy time, with a friend nearby
- Do a small shop at a busier time, on my own
- Queue at a staffed till at a quiet time
- Buy a few things at a quiet time, on my own
- Buy a few things at a quiet time, with a friend
- Walk in, pick up one item, pay and leave
- Sit in the car park for 10 minutes
Start at the bottom and climb one rung at a time. Numbers are how anxious each step feels, from 0 to 10.
After each practice
A few questions to help the learning stick. The worksheet has space to note your answers.
- What did I expect would happen?
- What actually happened?
- How anxious was I at the start, at the highest point, and at the end?
- What have I learned about the fear, or about myself?
Coming back down a rung for a while is fine. Fear rarely goes in a straight line, and every step you take counts.
Helpful tips
- Expect to feel anxious. It isn't a sign that it's going wrong; it's part of how the fear loosens its grip.
- Small, regular practice helps more than one big leap. Go at a pace that feels manageable.
- Notice the things you do to feel safer, like rushing, avoiding eye contact or holding your phone, and try letting go of them a little at a time.
- Only include steps that are safe in themselves. The aim is to face things that feel dangerous but aren't.
- If your anxiety brings strong physical symptoms, or you have a health condition, check with your GP before you start.
- Some fears are easier to face with support, especially if they're linked to something traumatic. We could build a ladder together in counselling.
A gentle note
These tools aren't a replacement for counselling or medical care. If something here brings up a lot for you, it's okay to stop. You don't have to work through things on your own.
More free resources
The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique
A simple exercise that uses your senses to bring you back to the present when anxiety or panic takes hold.
Box breathing
A steady four-count breathing pattern that helps calm your body when you're anxious or stressed.
Mood diary
A simple daily record to help you notice how your mood changes, spot patterns and see what helps.
You don't have to work through it alone
If you'd like to talk things through with someone, your first 50-minute session is on me, in person in Leigh-on-Sea, online or by phone.